I like positive. Smiley faces. Mary Poppins. Upbeat people. Disneyland. And when it comes to difficult I prefer to remember and be motivated more by a spoon full of sugar than the medicine going down. Perhaps as a West Coast person who loves California road trips to the land of Hollywood and endless possibilities, I’m also wired for “what could be” more than by where “we’ve (or I’ve) fallen short!”
In my own spiritual journey I also love the mountain tops, the victory march, and the upbeat worship service. I’m less wired to engage difficult seasons in my journey or to see, let alone confront the darker sides of humanity, whether in me or others, or in systems that hurt people. I’m OK walking with others (sometimes) during their challenges and crises–when they are sick. I’m a pastor (of sorts) for God’s sake.
One of the risks in leadership and professional ministry is the pressure to sustain a flawless resume. I think being good at what we do is important and I would never want to endorse personal sloth as a perquisite to exercising leadership in ministry. When we get up to speak in front of a group for instance, we should have something to say and it should be said well. We should do our homework. Have something to contribute. We should lead well. A ministry resume is important. But what happened in my case was the carry over into my personal life. I hope I can say this well because this is an important “confession.”
I’m old enough to have experienced bumps in life. But I hate the bumps and prefer open, smooth pathways. I still find it hard to be honest with brokenness. I don’t like mean people. I grew up happy with 4 sisters and was surprised to meet bullies on the playground. But bullies there were. And imperfections I have. Wait…. Just say it…. I’m broken too.
But what do we do with all this? And how can we be present to ourselves or the dark stuff in this world? It turns out I’m not only the product of my family of origin (growing up happy), but also a faith community (smiley face evangelical), and perhaps socio-economic demographic (upwardly mobile) that may have not prepared me very well for this “aha.” (bear with me please)..(to be continued).
Andy,
Wise, insightful words. If you haven’t read it you might want to look at Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward. Blessings, Nancy
Thanks Nancy for your comments. I’m acquainted with Richard Rohr’s book but have only dipped in and out of it…but with the observation that he is speaking to an important truth.